How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
