are you still at the devil's house?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
