I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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