His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
