I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
