Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
