I think my vagina is haunted
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
