i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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