My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
