Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
