Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
