WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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