Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
