He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
