he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
