How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
