im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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