No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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