I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
