i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
