im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
