Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize