let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
