it's like iHOP with fire
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
