You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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