At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
