I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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