What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
