Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
