I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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