I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
