i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
