gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
