Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
