Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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