I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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