no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize