just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
