whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
