yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
