We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
