It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
