I bet he comes in French.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize