The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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