You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i need some magic done to my vagina
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
