Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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