Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
