we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
