At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The best revenge is premature balding
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
