Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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