so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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