Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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