White coat. Heels.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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