I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
