I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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