I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
