Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
