Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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