laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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