ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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