Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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