If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
