grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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