You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
