the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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