You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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