I accidentally burped into my bong.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
