In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
