You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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