He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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