Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
