No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
