my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
