So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
