I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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