pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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