we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There r osticjed everywhere
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
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