So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
