mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Mom said you looked used
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
