I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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