Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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