What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
