Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
