i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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