my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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