on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
