is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I love having hate sex.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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