you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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