you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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