I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize