i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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