Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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