Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
