Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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