how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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