Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
only you would photoshop your dick
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She told me I should be a condom model.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
