I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
