So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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