Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize