Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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