as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
