I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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