the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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