I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
