Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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