She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
