you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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