why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
